Toddler still demands milk: parenting advice.

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Dear Care and Feeding,

I’m mortified to admit this, but my 3-year-old still drinks milk at various points of the night. It’s so clear to us that she’s doing it out of habit, and we completely give in, frankly because it’s easier. Problem is, we’re still up multiple times a night shuttling sippy cups of milk to her to avoid massive meltdowns and screaming. We’ve tried several ways to wean her off: cold turkey (we keep giving in to avoid the scream fest at 2:00 a.m.), watering it down, having long insightful talks about why she can’t drink milk multiple times a night …

…and nothing changes. We know the onus is really on us as parents to draw the boundary and hold it—even with meltdowns—but is there any other tactic we can use to help us in the process of getting her to finally sleep through the night?

—Midnight Milk Maids

Dear Milk Maids,

Yeah, you already know what you need to do, but just in case you also need to hear it from someone else: Stop giving your 3-year-old milk at 2:00 a.m. if you don’t want her to ask (or scream) for milk at 2:00 a.m. If she’s genuinely thirsty, a drink of water is fine, but that’s it. She needs to know that milk is unavailable at night, period.

I’m not sure what you mean by “meltdowns,” but if they seem abnormally severe or you’re worried about her actually hurting herself, talk with her doctor. Otherwise, she’s 3; she can tantrum a little before she falls asleep. If you do go back in the room while she’s screaming, tell her firmly, “It’s bedtime, lay down and go to sleep”—and again, don’t give in and bring her milk.

By now, I suspect you’ve read all the baby/toddler sleep advice. At the risk of repeating too much of it, I think the most important thing is a consistent routine. For example: bath time, one book, one song, and then lights out. It should be the same routine, at the same time, every single night. Some other things that may be helpful: a nightlight, white noise (we just used an air filter or fan), and a stuffie or several for comfort. Be prepared for a short bedtime reset period whenever the routine has changed, like after a vacation. She is totally capable of not drinking milk multiple times throughout the night, and you all need your sleep—remember that you’re doing this for her, too.

—Nicole

My older sister and I live several states apart. She has made friends with a divorced man around her age from her church. She has had a crush on him for quite a while, though she has never dated and has not even mentioned having a crush on anyone since a painful rejection in high school. Even though he does not reciprocate, she continues to try to impress him. After 15 years of having dyed-black hair, my sister asked my mom to bleach it blond based on his suggestion…